It started out stressful, being two pounds over-weight for the 155 mark (you get a pound, but that's risky to play the game that way).
I discovered this song via the Spotify charts for New Zealand. They're always ahead of the U.S. in solid music. The Greatest by Sia is my favourite jam right now (video below). I heard it and was like, "God damn, YES."
It instantly reminded me of this quote by the suspiciously well-preserved author, Marianne Williamson:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
The part you never see and rarely is talked about is how much a fighter's personal life impacts their training and thinking. I've seen more than a couple friends and training partners pull out of fights because their personal life finally infiltrated their training.
Half-way through camp, I almost unconsciously began tying up loose ends and attempting to make peace in my own life. I wanted to fight unfettered by problems that have solutions if only I would take action on them. I quit two jobs (took another for less pay but that I love), saw someone that had left a devastating mark on my life but needed to see, and much to my surprise was honest with myself about some other feelings. It felt good, man.
You can't live your life letting stupid shit get to you when you have the power to do something about it. I've felt freed by being truest to myself; it's always a process but there are certainly times where there's shit you gotta take care of and if you don't it'll poison your whole life. It eats at the back of your mind until its destroying you physically and mentally when all the while we often have the ability to take back that shine Williamson talks about.
So I took out my motorcycle because on it I relax and can think clearly. It's like a magic potion to take that cures what ails you or at least gives you this out-of-body, objective clarity. I know I love my motorcycle and am secure in that so as a result can consider what else is important.
It gets dark here. While I rode, I thought, "This is the part of the story where the heroine dies or ends up in a full-body cast. She finally sorts her shit out and is all ready for her big fight when she gets hit by a car." I realized I have lived a lot of my life thinking this way, which is a real shame because it was such a lovely day. I considered how great it is that I've changed my life from how I was raised. I've made decisions I am so happy with and grateful for that I could indeed be killed that moment and at the Pearly Gates would think, "Gee, that was not a bad way to go out. Couldn't have done better really. If only I'd lived a little more before that. Ah, well still quite good that was."
And after that, I took a left away from town instead of a right to the city and cruised around a bit more. Slowly the sun began to shift the shadows above the ground and slid itself into the trees. It slowly shifted its light so the trees by the lake water sang with color as if they were those puff ball mushrooms popped in the woods. The small inlets off the road that run under it from the sea-like expanse of water were still and bloody with the red leaves huddling together in the water as if some battle had been fought.
The whole day changed after that ride. I ended up back at the layman's gym and warmed up in the sauna a bit to sweat a little more water out (but mostly to warm up since the sun setting began to cause my significantly leaner ass to freeze). My weight was below and I was sure of it this time. I was early to weigh-ins at another local fighting gym and four pounds below the acceptable weight. Water has never tasted so sweet.
Whatever the outcome of tomorrow is, I am grateful to be here, where I am now with the decisions I've made in life and the training I have put in for almost two years. Moving forward, I sense a change in the winds coming which I've learned we can allow to pass through us on by or we can set our sails and ride with them. I intend to ride them out this time.
Here's this sweet video from Sia. Worth the Garth Brooks ad.