Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Ready to Fight & Looking Ahead

9am: Muay Thai
12-4:30pm: Replacing everything in my wallet that was stolen.
4:31: Wallet not stolen. Someone is confused about the point of having a Lost & Found at a business...
5pm: Combat conditioning
6pm: Thai pads
7pm: Jiu jitsu

Today was fine until around 7:30 when I hadn't eaten much all day and it hit me. Had a protein shake before the gym, a KILLER good protein bar called Perfect Bar (they are pretty perfecto), then a huge salad in the car, and some cold brew right before conditioning and thai pads. So not a lot. I felt good but definitely needed some grub. 

I'm ready to fight. Ready to be finished with camp. Ready to go back to eating normal. Ready for my stomach to not feel like that foamy slime shit you played with as a kid that left your fingers all greasy. Ready to not constantly wonder if two bags of kale chips and vegan popcorn is going to affect my weight or how I feel. Ready to test myself against another human. 

I actually feel a lot better than I anticipated. My body is definitely strong; arguably the strongest it has ever been. My body is in the best condition of its life. There's small things that aren't healing quickly like my left toe, my big toe that I stubbed in sparring weeks ago, some bruising. Small stuff. 

What I am beginning to question now is what will happen after the fight?

Tonight in class Coach told my partner Josh that they found him an opponent. Earlier in the night he'd told me he was getting down about being in camp so long and the probability of them finding him an opponent in time growing slimmer. His punches were cleaner, harder, and he had an energy about him after Coach told him. 

He's excited to fight. He's fought twice now and is 1-1. I wonder how I'll feel. When I started training, in the back of my mind was just one fight. But now I've done two jiu jitsu tournaments and am on the cusp of a cage Muay Thai fight and I feel awesome. It is entirely possible I'll hate it and stick to training for fitness. But what if I don't? What if I love it? What if it ignites a lust and love for competition? 

I'm about to apply for a job that would put me overseas for two years. It would likely start sometime next year. This would halt my training. For someone who is 27 1/2 and has been training just shy of two years, this will likely be my best chance to compete. Muay Thai is a small window for fighting. Jiu jitsu can last a lifetime. 

If I leave, would I ever be able to regain this level of dedication and fitness? Would I even come back? 

The worst fear, that occupies my mind constantly, what if I leave for a job/life I wanted for a long time growing up and saw myself doing but find it doesn't satisfy and I miss training and fighting?

I have to fight. I feel made to fight. It's amazing that we're conditioned to not hit people as a kid and "fighting isn't the answer" but it totally is. In a controlled setting, with training and coaching, it channels that inner need and lust for blood and competition. 

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