Sunday, November 13, 2011

No Shave November! Top 12 Reasons Why NOT To Shave!

It's No Shave November! 

If I could, I would show you how No Shave November has been affecting my legs (and armpits! egad!) but alas, I have thin leg-hair and a despressingly short amount of armpit hair. I had to go look for a few extra reasons why women shouldn't shave their legs to broaden my knowledge. I stole several from one source. No shame. 

#1. It wastes water. British women apparently use 50 billion litres a year. 
#2. Ingrown hairs. It's unnatural for your leg hairs to be swiped off. 
#3. It turns men off ("As they teach in the women's groups, rape can be prevented IF you are prepared. So the next time the guy in the shiny metallic short sleeve shirt starts eye balling you at your local club hot spot, just hike up your leg on the bar and give him a taste of his own medicine. Hair medicine that is. But really, what guy is going to rape you if you have more hair on your legs than he does?")
#4.  It can cause drastic changes in existing relationships with men. ("Nothing will usher in an exciting night like your boyfriend thinking he's petting your dog, only to find out that it is your knee cap." Another excellent point.)
#5. It saves boatloads of money. (If you're savvy and buy 8 razor heads at a time, it only costs $19.87 at Walmart instead of $21.94. Or, you could save all that money for something useful and beneficial. Like a book.)
#6. It's liberating. Why not go without shaving just to watch the reactions of women? Especially older women. It's a double whammy sometimes because A) you have no stockings on B) Your legs are wildly hairy
#7. Discover where the hair actually does grow on your legs. In case you do shave again, you know what areas you need not waste blade sharpness on. Like the backs of my knees and flabby calf muscles. I don't need to shave there.
#8. It's an act of cultural defiance. Be more original than wearing black clothes, no clothes, etc. 
#9. It's an easy way to make conversation and friends with a feminist. As an efflorescing, hopeful photojournalist, I'm all about finding ways to connect with people.
#10. Just because you can. 
#11. Shaving when it's cold causes gooseflesh and shaving with gooseflesh leads to shaving off a little bit of skin with every follicle. It's terribly irritating!
#12. Your legs will never know such bliss as the day you do shave again. Because sometimes, it just feels nice and you can always grow it out again! 

If you think just taking a shower is nice, try this! Step 1: let your leg hair grow out; Step 2: break down and buy a new razor; Step 3: Put a saweet playlist on that includes "Hey Soul Sister" by Train; Step 4turn off the lights in the bathroom. I'm not responsible if you don't have a firm enough grasp on your bathroom layout and you end up in the toilet or on the floor; Step 5: Use hot water and I'd recommend bracing yourself for Walmart beforehand and buying Organix's Passionfruit Guava shampoo); Step 6: SING AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS WITH PATRICK MONAHAN (Train vocals) and shave to your heart's content. Be warned, the hair builds up rather quickly and must be rinsed often. The last time I performed a Great Shave, I had hairy knees at a wedding. Good luck!

The End

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