It's very important you find out what makes you happy and do that. I love motorcycles and dogs. Now I have both of those things.
More people do regret the things they didn't do more than the things they did do. You can always learn and grow, but you can't always go back and have those experiences you passed on and suddenly play catch-up.
"Perhaps your love will make me forget all I wish not to remember." The line from Alexander Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo hits where it hurts. It's the breath and plea of a person on the cusp of moving out of one thing that has hurt for a long time. It's also hopeful- not that there aren't good things to remember, but that new love will help you forget the bad things.
On my birthday my sweet (and very talented! Paper Bird Illustrations!) friend Virginia said, "You seem so much happier than when I met you, Jesse."
At first this surprised me, but she's right. I am so happy. Life is by no means easy, a couple months ago was a rough few days that made for a solid month of life potholes.
Slowly, I'm learning to be true to myself and care about others. That relationships are EVERYTHING. That you cannot live your life to make someone else happy or proud. If they're causing you to feel that way, they're probably trying to get that same kick from someone else and will never be able to satiate that desire in you because they themselves don't possess it. One cannot give away a gift that one does not possess oneself. This really is too bad but that's the truth.
To cope with life, I've been at my gym for a year and a half already. I love my team. They're like family to me. Here's me and some of the guys I train with in jiu jitsu a couple weeks ago after the New York State Championships. Not as big of a deal as it sounds, but still cool. I cried pathetically when I lost. Again. Third time might be a charm for placing better than third and maintaining dignity.